Felt Need by Deanne Quarrie
By Deanne Quarrie
Originally written for the Global Goddess Oracle Candlemas 2003
Here at home, my partner offers helpful discussion concerning Global Goddess. While helpful, the talk is sometimes difficult because I'm not always able to articulate what I'm feeling.
Tonight we were talking about how we might accomplish bringing women together through Global Goddess, and she posed a question. She said, "I'm a woman in Thousand Oaks. What reason would I have for wanting to meet a woman in Ventura?"
First time around, I misunderstood the question. I responded that if that woman in Thousand Oaks had no desire to meet a woman from Ventura, then the meeting wouldn't happen.
Obtuse, dense I am.
She asked me the same question again. Although stuck in the same mind-set, I kept digging deeper for an answer, but still, I wasn't really hearing her question.
Then my partner rephrased her question: "What is your purpose for the energy send each Thursday night?" My response to that question was more definitive.
I send energy each week because I know in my heart there are women everywhere who feel alone, women who feel unconnected to anyone of like mind. There are women who hunger to reach out, who have a need to know someone else feels as they do, someone who will understand if they share their feelings at a soul level.
I know such women exist because I have heard them. In my twenty years of priestessing, I hear it all the time. I hear from women who have found Goddess, but still are alone. They are isolated--or feel they are--and have no idea how to find others, don't know where to begin. I send energy for them, as well as for any other woman who feels alone. I reach out because they are my Sisters, because I don't want them to feel alone.
That said, my partner posed her question, saying "OK, now tell me why that woman in Thousand Oaks would want to meet the woman in Ventura? What is her 'felt need'?"
Our conversation suddenly became illuminated, and I recognized again why it's so important for me to be involved with Global Goddess. I had found my "ground" again: connecting women!
Let me explain.
Even in a large city, women can feel isolated because they have no idea how to find anyone else like them. Finding other women well attuned to each other isn't as hard as it used to be. When I lived in the city, feeling alone and isolated, I found others in about six months, but I lived in a metropolitan area of almost five million people.
Imagine a woman living in a town of five hundred! She's still alone. She may have a store she can drive to, which may take two hours or so, but a single store isn't a lot of help on a day-to-day basis. Or maybe she doesn't even know a store exists! How can we connect with her? We have the Internet; we have cyberspace.
I'll be the first one to tell you, cyberspace can be pretty real. Cyberspace has brought me many friends. Real friends! It even facilitated my relationship with my partner. We met in cyberspace, and we are real. Our love is real. All because we dared to meet!
She and I didn't live in the same town. We didn't even live in the same state. We lived three thousand miles apart! But we perceived something very special in our relationship, and we both felt that meeting would open up a whole new world for us, so we took that step and met. The rest is our history.
We all have a need to connect. It is that very "felt need" that brings us to groups on the Internet. In essence, cyberspace makes it possible for women everywhere to meet and connect, to find and enjoy conversation with others. What an awesome thing we have with the Internet!
Early on, I based my career as a priestess on wanting to help women, and facilitated connections because I wanted to make it possible for those women who had a felt need to find ways to fill that hunger. As you may have read in my article on the GG web site, that's what my collecting of women has been about.
I don't collect women because I personally feel the need to connect. I do so because I know others have that felt need, and in helping them meet their needs, mine are satisfied. I also know how hard it is to take that first step. I know in my gut that sometimes it takes a helping hand, someone to say, "Come to dinner--not sometime--but how about next Friday night?"
I started collecting women through circles, events, study groups, craft days, talk sessions, on the Internet, and in person. In any way I could think of, when women showed a desire to participate, I would plan it or help them plan. We read a lot on the Global Goddess chat list about political action, taking a stand, organizing, campaigning, and helping others. All of those endeavors are great, useful and worthy. But for me, all of that political action is secondary to our need to meet each other!
Isn't it mind boggling to think, if you live in Kentucky, that you're ever going to meet that woman living in North Carolina? Well, one day you might, but right now it would be so much better if you, living in Lexington, Kentucky, could find one other woman in Lexington, Kentucky. So do it! Find her! Meet her, have a cup of coffee, maybe lunch. Have that first meeting, and begin a new friendship. Plan the second meeting.
Then each of you find one other woman to bring! Now there are four of you! Wow! What would you like to do together? Just have coffee and talk? Great! Plan to study together? Great! Eat pizza once a month? Wonderful! Do ritual together? Awesome! Join with other women for a Gather the Women event? Super! Stand with Women in Black? Marvelous!
But first and foremost, find each other! Celebrate a new friendship! Celebrate two, three, or even four new friendships! And then imagine all you can do!
Certainly, some of our connecting is political, but not a lot. Most of it's about women getting together, finding each other. Our shared goals are very real-- yes, even huge--but we can't connect for you. We can be excited about what's possible; we can lead and inspire; we can offer suggestions. We can share what's worked for us, and what hasn't. But when all is said and done, women need to get to know each other by reaching out, by saying, "Come have a cup of coffee! Come on, let's meet and make a new friend! That's where all our projects must begin!
You came to Global Goddess looking for something. You had a "felt need." Your "felt need" is the reason we wanted to start Global Goddess, the reason Regina and I began--took one step together--and brought in Lisa. You! You are the reason. We all care that women have an opportunity to meet, that women not feel alone. We care enough about our Sisters to support them, and to listen when they need to share their stories.
That sense of Sisterhood and sharing is where it all begins for us. Once we perceive our Sisterhood, and make connections, then we can have solidarity. We can take political action together! Then doing something for the public good takes on even greater meaning!
There is strength in our Sisterhood. Once we have our connections in place, with that strength of purpose, we can begin to reach out to others and do excellent work, always keeping in mind that our first good work was in finding each other, and coming together face to face!
For anything truly important to happen, first comes the meeting in the place you live. If you are the only Global Goddess member in your whole city, go find one other woman. With the felt need, it's easier. It pushes you out there!
Perhaps you, too, can see there are women who do want connection, who long for it. So go looking for them! Be the one who reaches out a hand, and says, "I am here, Sister!"
Post Script … a lot of changes have taken place in my life since I wrote this article. The “life partner” evaporated just two short weeks after I wrote this but the message remains the same. Global Goddess is about making connections!