Intentional Insights: Q&A From Within by S. Kelley Harrell

2010, The Age of The Succulent Feminine

"As above so below.  As within so without."  ~Hermesianax, Greek poet

Hi Kelley, I am a middle aged woman who has experienced many changes this decade. Unfortunately, things seem to get worse--job, financial problems, relationships... I feel myself isolating and trust is becoming an issue. I truly don't know how long I can hang on at my job, and there are few new jobs out there. Finances are difficult.  Not sleeping is a problem. I feel blind and blocked. No matter what I do to free myself, things get worse. Thanks... Leea

Thank you for your note, Leea. What I am shown is that you have played by the rules of patriarchy to the point of mastery, and it's time to invite in and express the feminine way. The underlying feeling of always adapting, never setting the pace, going with the crowd despite the fact that it doesn't feel natural... These states are all indications that you have well-learned how to function in a linear world with set rules. They are also signs of the feminine giving up power to the masculine, which creates disharmony for both.

On a personal level this dynamic creates a space in your daily life, in which you feel that if you could just play the game better, if you could just get that one break, if you could just meet the right person... While predictable and safe, this routine doesn't serve your deeper needs. It is, in fact, giving away your power.

Image: Feminine Divine, artist unknown

Now on the planet is a sense of the Divine Feminine reawakening. Where has she been? Right here, actually. But the way we live doesn't acknowledge her, which means that we don't honor our natural rhythms. We all know about the millennia of control of men over women, patriarchy, excision of the feminine to yield masculine monotheism. What we seem to be realizing with this re-awareness of the Divine Feminine is the toll the lack of energetic balance has taken on how we live. In Her lack, our existing Masculine is wounded.

None of the established systems work anymore--organized religion, healthcare, government, social benefit. On a personal level, the systems that don't work are the daily grind, running a household, biological and energetic political/sexual dynamics... Does this mean we can't have these things? Not necessarily. It means we have to find new ways of implementing and sustaining them, so that instead of meeting only our dire needs, they meet all of our needs.

The place to begin this transformation is to assess what your real needs are. Yes, we all have to earn a living. We all have to eat and pay bills. To have the energy to do those things means we must be fed on deeper levels, and that is where I see you needing to provide yourself support. Giving yourself the nurture and care that you need will reconnect your inner feminine and masculine, and it will allow you to reshape your perspective on the systems in your life. If you feel supported and trusted inside, your outside will conform to those feelings. It will mirror that support and give back to you. You have worked yourself spare trying to create that support externally, and only come up tired and feeling a lack. Consider the things that nourish you spiritually: a regular massage? A weekend retreat? An evening watching the stars? An artistic pursuit? A class you've wanted to take? I suspect it is some collection of different treats done at a set interval. These are not empty acts of girlie indulgence. They are cogent approaches to solidify trust in yourself and expressing your untapped voice. This will be a leap of faith for you, as there is an element of needing to trust your ability to determine what is right for yourself, and gaining the courage to manifest it. Yet reading these words stirs some wild woman within who needs expression. Allay your fears of her. She is the voice of the Divine in you. She is the key to feeling whole and creating the movement and language that is right for you.

That said, I do see a better job opportunity for you in the next 6-9 months. The thing is, without a calm, confident core, you won't recognize it. Start creating that nest for yourself now, and not only will the opportunities you need meet you, you will see them coming. With these new opportunities meeting your needs, you are quite likely to create your own new system.

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A Houseful of Virgos and the Saturn Legacy

Kelley, I am a Virgo and have dealt with Saturn since September 2007, when my life turned upside down. I have worked diligently and have made progress, but I don't have a job that can sustain my son and myself, I have not received child support since the beginning of Saturn's visit, and my Virgo son has gotten into trouble and a toxic relationship. We are completely broke and live with my mother. Is this karmic? Am I suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder? Why is this happening, and will it ever end? Sara

Thanks for your note, Sara.  The story I am shown is in your chakras.

Your root chakra, which is the first of the primary chakras along the spine and is situated at the perineum, is very overactive. The root chakra does what it sounds like--it roots you as a spiritual being into the form of this world. Mastery of this chakra involves gaining the basic survival skills to stay alive as a formed being, and psychologically it entails that you become aware that you are part of a tribe, in preparation for the mastery of the second chakra, which is all about how one relates (or doesn't) to the tribe, itself.

An overactive root chakra can indeed give the effect of being locked in fight-or-flee instinct, the perpetual feeling that you are being pursued even when there is no threat. The other major point about the root chakra that is vivid for you relates back to the tribe--your family unit. You have a birth family unit, the one you learned to survive in and prepared you for surviving in the world, and you also have created a family unit, your son, whom will be leaving the tribe soon. In your time of peril you have returned to your original tribe, and in doing so have brought your created tribe with you. It's good to have a support system, but in this case, sharing living space with your birth tribe is only creating more inner conflict for you.

Another facet of this overactive root is OCD--Obsessive Compulsive Disorder behaviour. Virgos are given to wanting order and turning themselves inside out to preserve it. I feel like this is something you generally have good habits on, but the constant trigger to preserve survival has created self-harming habits, mostly at a mental level--spinning scenarios in your head until panic ensues, allowing irrational thoughts to trump approaches you know are more healthy.

Sometimes we best manage by stepping back. We think that disengaging and being present is a passive act, when in reality it is the most challenging active pursuit. This is your greatest challenge right now, and as you master it, so shall your son.

Because connections of tribe are so interwoven with the way Saturn is affecting you, I do feel that this experience is karmic. Distress with your birth family is being unconsciously acted out by your son.

He is expressing your repressed stress, which is a long-standing pattern between you that has only increased with Saturn's focus. He is not consciously aware that he is playing out this dynamic. I have a sense of spinning wheels. He is at the threshold of stepping out into the world as an individual, and he feels that he should be able to help you more with the household. His own stress cripples him.

This 'inability to provide' is creating a block for him. He is mature enough to feel the pinch and longing to help, but he doesn't have the experience or emotional grounding to effectively help. Few his age do. Teens deal with 'spinning' by acting out. Rebellion feels productive, despite that it only divides and conquers. Crazy as he may be driving you, disciplining his behaviour won't improve circumstances. His underlying stress has to be soothed, and the best way to do that is by example. Strategically placed, "My emotions are my own to process," in talks with him can unconsciously help him let go of responsibilities that are yours alone to manage. It will also send him the signal to let you be the parent. Conversely, it will send the signal to him to be the child, i.e., to listen and observe.

Your guides are only showing me how this karmic stress is affecting your chakra system. Because everything in our etheric form is connected, so, too, is the internal and external. It's a matter of time before it affects other aspects of your wellbeing, your health in particular. Regardless of what is going on in your external right now, it is imperative that you address the internal. When I observe the rest of your chakra system, I can just make it out for the overwhelming size and brightness of your root chakra. The lower chakras pertain to our earthly growth and maturity, while the upper chakras relate our spiritual growth and maturity. Etherically speaking, what needs to happen is the root chakra energy needs to be moved up the spine, balanced throughout, as it were, and the life force that comes in through the crown--the topmost primary chakra in the form, needs to be drawn down. Whatever meditative technique appeals to you, bringing your awareness to this process will be helpful. Visualize doing it, feel it moving, imagine that primal balance taking place. If you can go to an energy worker to do this work for you, or if you're comfortable with doing it at a distance I can do such work. Either way, some self-maintenance is required. I do not get information on job or new residence, because giving attention to your life force is imperative. My sense is that in giving yourself some solitude and care, you will have better perspective and opportunity will arise from that.

It's been a long haul with Saturn. I completely empathize with you, Sara. You have come through it, and through the aftershock you are regaining your power. Be open to the wisdom Saturn leaves you, and some sweetness will prevail.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley@soulintentarts.com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts, © 2010 All Rights Reserved. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!