Ask Your Mama - Purifying Ritual by Mama Donna Henes

Dear Mama Donna.

My partner and I are wondering whether there is some sort of pre-nuptial purifying ceremony from the shamanic tradition that we can do together before our upcoming wedding. I was thinking of a sweat lodge perhaps? Any ideas you have to offer us would be most appreciated.

A  Couple in California

You Dear Two,

Congratulations! Mazel tov! How wonderful that you and your beloved want to enter your marriage vows with clean hearts and pure intentions. Your sincerity of purpose bodes exceedingly well for the success of your future together.

To answer your question about traditional shamanic ceremonies: there really is no one shamanic tradition. Shamanism was and still is practiced worldwide, and each culture has customs and ceremonies that have grown and developed over time and that speak to the shared history and beliefs of each particular community.

A new life, a new day, a new year is universally begun by bathing. All sculptured images of the Buddha are washed during the festival of Songkran in Thailand every spring at the start of the lunar new year. The blessing water is poured from buckets on the statues and passersby as well — a refreshing splash during the oppressive heat of the season.

There are many cross cultural purification rites for the betrothed, including the sweat lodge ceremony or Inipi, which is used widely by many Native American peoples as a cleansing to be partaken of as the preliminary to any major ritual event. The most traditional sweat lodge, however, was/is never experienced in mixed company.

Most pre-wedding cleansing practices have been performed by the bride and groom separately, each half of the couple accompanied and assisted by her/his chosen group of friends and family members of the same gender. These sorts of preparatory rites eventually evolved (or perhaps, devolved is a better word?) into the current Bridal Shower ritual that is so popular today.

You mention that you want to perform your cleansing together as a couple. Since this is important to you, you should do so, despite the fact that it is not traditional. A basic shared tenant of all shamanic thinking is that each individual is blessed with a personal relationship to spirit that must be honored. Consequently, every ritual should be uniquely appropriate and particular to the wants and needs of the participants. The perfect ritual is one that is truly personally relevant.

What better way to achieve perfect relevance than to design your own purification ritual — one that speaks to you directly? All you need is an intention, which, it seems to me, you are already quite clear about. Your choices about how your ritual will proceed, what you can do, and what methods and materials you might employ are practically limitless.

Purification by water is by far the most widespread cleansing technique. How about bathing each other in a bath of salt to wash away any memories, emotions, blockages, or resistances that might interfere with your most positive motives and stand in the way of your most precious intimacy? Once you are free from any impurities of heart and mind, you can then anoint each other with fragrant oils to enhance your intentions of honesty, openness, closeness, devotion, and truth.

There are innumerable other scouring agents besides water. Fire is frequently used, combined with water as in the Inipi, or alone. During the annual Hindu Festival of Agni, worshippers pass their hands over flames to obtain a state of purity. Peasants in Northern Europe still leap over bonfires to ceremonially cleanse themselves.

Clay, adobe, argil, sand, silica, soil, loam, loess, mud, peat, dirt, dust, terra cotta, the multi-paletted, richly-hued flesh of Mother Earth Herself, was considered to be a sacred substance, a sacrament to be used in blessings and prayers. The ancient Greeks used to place a lump of dirt on their head to seal an oath, rather like placing their hand on a bible and swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Russian farmers continued this practice into the twentieth century, making any promise in the honored name of Mati-Syra-Zemlya, “Moist Mother Earth.” Take a mud bath before you pledge your highest honor.

Incense, smudge, tobacco, and other highly scented herbs are often burnt to produce fragrant smoke to blow away any impurities. You can “wash” each other from head to toe in the holy smoke of camphor, frankincense, myrrh, sage, cedar, or copal, which are all used for their purification qualities. Afterward, you can “rinse” in the smoke of sweet grass, which invites the sweet spirits into your life.

Ashes, charcoal, dirt, sap, sandalwood paste, pigment, paint, peppers, sagebrush, oil, and dung are among the cleansers commonly applied to the skin; employed as a dry bath. The Nubians of Africa rub themselves with the sacred ash of burnt leaves from an acacia tree before every rite of passage in their lives. Similarly, Catholics are anointed on Ash Wednesday with ash obtained from burning the palm fronds that had decorated the Church on the previous Palm Sunday. This ritual begins Lent, the 40-day cleansing period preceding the annual vernal Passion of death and resurrection.

Why not each make a list of all of the various parts of your old lives — your beliefs, habits, orientation, and practices — as single people that you wish to release before you come together as a married couple. Burn the lists in a pot. Blend the ash together and use it to bless your new lives as a partnership team. Mix the ash with water to create ink and inscribe your loving intention.

There is a wonderful Mayan shamanic ceremony that does much the same thing. You will need an Uncrossing Ball. (These are made from copal and other natural bits and pieces and are available through Mama Donna’s Spirit Shop.) Hold it in your hand and put into it with your intentions all that crosses you, blocks you, stands in the way of your best self.  You then wrap it in cloth and smash it to bits with a stone or hammer. Burn all the pieces one by one with intention to release them. When the final piece is burned, you are completely cleansed and free of any negativity.

In addition to cleansing our selves and our deities before we pray, people have always taken special care to clean and maintain the temples, churches, synagogues, cemeteries, groves, and shrines, in which our prayers are said. Don’t forget to cleanse and bless the sanctuary where you will exchange your vows and celebrate your union.

And of course your new home where the most intimate and ordinary prayers of daily life are uttered. If a man's home is his castle, surely it is a woman's shrine.

Be blessed, dear ones. Bless your selves and each other. Bless your love and your life.

 XxMama Donna

*Are you cyclically confused? In a ceremonial quandary? Completely clueless? Wonder no more. Send your questions about seasons, cycles, celebrations, ceremonies and spirit to Mama Donna at: CityShaman@aol.com